The highly ‘diverse’ French port-city of Marseilles these days is one of the main entry points for illegal substances being smuggled into the continent of Europe—no longer merely dangerous drugs like heroin and cocaine, but also forbidden Muslim versions of Nutella.
In May, French customs agents seized 15,300 jars of a sweet and sugary hazelnut spread called El Mordjene, manufactured in Algeria by the family-owned North African confectionary firm Cebon, which, in spite of the company’s punning advertising slogan, the government in Paris certainly do not consider c’est bon. Due to obscure EU laws restricting the importation and marketing of dairy products from non-member states (Article 20, Paragraph 3 of Regulation No.2202/2292, for any curious lawyers reading), El Mordjene is technically banned from sale across the European Union, as its ingredients include 12% dried milk.
Yet hazelnut spreads are not Algeria’s only current-day mass import into modern France. The nation exports thousands of actual, real live Algerians there each and every year now too, and in the diaspora’s collective opinion, El Mordjene had not really been banned for containing unregulated dried milk, but for containing something else considered by many to be potentially even more harmful to human health: pure, concentrated Islam.
The spread of Islam
El Mordjene’s jars come emblazoned with a large cartoon image of an idealised Muslim female wearing a flowing white hijab, immediately identifying it as a mosque-friendly product. Due to current diplomatic tensions between France and its former North African colony, the paranoid rumour therefore grew that the government had only begun forcibly deporting the spread as a proxy means of forcibly deporting Algerians.
The treat first became popular in France during 2024, thanks to various Algerian-heritage social media influencers praising its taste online in actual nasheeds—Islamic devotional songs or chants— their general argument being ‘See? We make Nutella better than the infidels do!’
Someone even made a short cartoon propaganda film of a jar of El Mordjene beating a jar of white Christian Nutella to death in a boxing ring, then being deported, before sailing back onto French soil in a people-smuggling dinghy and settling down to a life of nihilistic gangsta Islam back in the banlieues.
France is Nutella’s largest global market, with factories near Rouen producing more of the stuff than anywhere else on the planet. So popular is the product that in 2015 a French couple tried to legally christen their baby daughter with the name ‘Nutella.’ Officials intervened to say she must be called ‘Ella’ instead, for her own self-protection—whether from other kids at school or from imported anti-Nutella adult Salafist radicals was never made wholly clear.
As well as being the year El Mordjene went viral across immigrant-populated areas of France, 2024 also chanced to be the 60th anniversary of the launch of Nutella. The symbolism was not lost on some conservative commentators, who observed a curious culinary parallel with what had been occurring to white French people at the hands of imported Maghrebians over the last sixty years, too–namely, their forcible Great Replacement, demographically speaking (although ironically, the most popular flavour of the product in France is actually the white chocolate version, not the brown one).
Holy trade war
In fact, the French Government was probably not acting through any desire to annoy Algerian diplomats by declaring El Mordjene contraband. It’s more likely they were trying to protect domestic French manufacturing and dairy-farming interests—which was how sensible Algerian trade ministers sought to portray the ban at home, as a classic piece of protectionist EU-backed market manipulation, not some sinister crusade against Mohammad. Yet certain Algerians preferred to imagine otherwise.
One report in the Algerian media spoke proudly of how the banned spread had “become an emblem of national pride and defiance”, causing “an outpouring of solidarity among Algerians, who are now championing a boycott of European goods in return”:
The controversy extends beyond trade dynamics, touching on deeper issues of cultural representation and economic protectionism. El Mordjene’s packaging, adorned with traditional Algerian motifs, has resonated deeply with consumers who view the product as an extension of Algerian heritage. This has galvanised Algerians to embrace their national identity through the symbolic support of the spread, intensifying calls for economic nationalism.
Thus, smuggling illicit jars of El Mordjene into France becomes an act of emblematic resistance against the ‘unjust’ and ‘unholy’ white men’s laws which, as usual, do not apply equally to those non-whites who now live ungratefully amongst them, and who have their own alternative laws they can follow instead, dietary or otherwise—a kind of hazelnut halal.
Uncommon market
Some dhimmified Western outlets agreed. For no less an authority than International Supermarket News, the ban was racist neo-colonialism in action, the publication quoting an Algerian café owner in Marseille as complaining “It’s not about food safety. It’s about control” of inferior subject populations. The affair also supposedly demonstrated wild imbalances in the Western-created global economic framework:
Some analysts argue the El Mordjene ban reveals deeper fault lines in Europe’s trade and regulatory system—particularly its unequal treatment of goods from the Global South. While large multinationals can navigate compliance with teams of lawyers and labs, small producers from countries like Algeria often face impossible hurdles. The ban, critics claim, serves as a form of economic gatekeeping, effectively locking out competition before it even reaches the table.
Consider also how El Mordjene had made it onto French shelves in the first place: as part of something called le retour au bled, or ‘the return to the homeland’, when French-Algerians fly to what they clearly consider to be their true home in North Africa for the summer. Subsequently returning back to ‘unbeliever-land,’ they often bring along domestic foods as a souvenir ‘taste of home’—including El Mordjene, which thereby became so popular that Muslim small shopkeepers in France began importing it themselves of their own illegal initiative.
Journalist Lauren Collins in The New Yorker got an entire 6.500-word article out of all this, bemoaning how the furore “hinted at the colonial legacy of immigration headaches and administrative asymmetries between the two countries,” quoting one Franco-Muslim food writer’s view that the ban “touches on belonging … on the right to exist in public spaces as we are, with our tastes, our origins, our attachments.” Banning El Mordjene, then, was just like banning the burka, prayers in the streets, or child marriage: yet more racist white neo-colonialism. Collins noted darkly that Jean-Marie Le Pen had once been a paratrooper in colonial-era Algeria: a Far-Right pied-noir-sympathiser like him would surely have been on the side of the Nutella Nazis! For Collins,
The El Mordjene affair … wasn’t really about hazelnut spreads. It was about nostalgia, memory, injustice, nationalism, globalisation, decolonisation, protectionism, racism, identity, immigration, invasion—the same things that all arguments are about nowadays, transposed to the realm of spreadable snacks. The corollary to the question ‘What kind of world would it be without Nutella?’ is ‘What kind of world would it be with El Mordjene?’”
For ‘Nutella’ there, read ‘whiteness’—and for ‘El Mordjene’, read Islam.
Many on today’s globalist, multiculturalist Left in Europe feel the clash of civilisations is a mere myth, that all peoples are infinitely and frictionlessly interchangeable if they only try. To which I would only observe: if immigrants and natives in France can’t even avoid coming to severe civilisational blows over a matter as incredibly trivial as imported Nutella substitutes, what hope do they have of doing so with rather more weighty issues like freedom of speech, neo-blasphemy laws, and women’s rights?
It’s time to squeeze this particular civilisational genie back very tightly inside its jar and start sealing Europe’s borders to far more than simple hazelnut spreads.
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The highly ‘diverse’ French port-city of Marseilles these days is one of the main entry points for illegal substances being smuggled into the continent of Europe—no longer merely dangerous drugs like heroin and cocaine, but also forbidden Muslim versions of Nutella.
In May, French customs agents seized 15,300 jars of a sweet and sugary hazelnut spread called El Mordjene, manufactured in Algeria by the family-owned North African confectionary firm Cebon, which, in spite of the company’s punning advertising slogan, the government in Paris certainly do not consider c’est bon. Due to obscure EU laws restricting the importation and marketing of dairy products from non-member states (Article 20, Paragraph 3 of Regulation No.2202/2292, for any curious lawyers reading), El Mordjene is technically banned from sale across the European Union, as its ingredients include 12% dried milk.
Yet hazelnut spreads are not Algeria’s only current-day mass import into modern France. The nation exports thousands of actual, real live Algerians there each and every year now too, and in the diaspora’s collective opinion, El Mordjene had not really been banned for containing unregulated dried milk, but for containing something else considered by many to be potentially even more harmful to human health: pure, concentrated Islam.
The spread of Islam
El Mordjene’s jars come emblazoned with a large cartoon image of an idealised Muslim female wearing a flowing white hijab, immediately identifying it as a mosque-friendly product. Due to current diplomatic tensions between France and its former North African colony, the paranoid rumour therefore grew that the government had only begun forcibly deporting the spread as a proxy means of forcibly deporting Algerians.
The treat first became popular in France during 2024, thanks to various Algerian-heritage social media influencers praising its taste online in actual nasheeds—Islamic devotional songs or chants— their general argument being ‘See? We make Nutella better than the infidels do!’
Someone even made a short cartoon propaganda film of a jar of El Mordjene beating a jar of white Christian Nutella to death in a boxing ring, then being deported, before sailing back onto French soil in a people-smuggling dinghy and settling down to a life of nihilistic gangsta Islam back in the banlieues.
France is Nutella’s largest global market, with factories near Rouen producing more of the stuff than anywhere else on the planet. So popular is the product that in 2015 a French couple tried to legally christen their baby daughter with the name ‘Nutella.’ Officials intervened to say she must be called ‘Ella’ instead, for her own self-protection—whether from other kids at school or from imported anti-Nutella adult Salafist radicals was never made wholly clear.
As well as being the year El Mordjene went viral across immigrant-populated areas of France, 2024 also chanced to be the 60th anniversary of the launch of Nutella. The symbolism was not lost on some conservative commentators, who observed a curious culinary parallel with what had been occurring to white French people at the hands of imported Maghrebians over the last sixty years, too–namely, their forcible Great Replacement, demographically speaking (although ironically, the most popular flavour of the product in France is actually the white chocolate version, not the brown one).
Holy trade war
In fact, the French Government was probably not acting through any desire to annoy Algerian diplomats by declaring El Mordjene contraband. It’s more likely they were trying to protect domestic French manufacturing and dairy-farming interests—which was how sensible Algerian trade ministers sought to portray the ban at home, as a classic piece of protectionist EU-backed market manipulation, not some sinister crusade against Mohammad. Yet certain Algerians preferred to imagine otherwise.
One report in the Algerian media spoke proudly of how the banned spread had “become an emblem of national pride and defiance”, causing “an outpouring of solidarity among Algerians, who are now championing a boycott of European goods in return”:
Thus, smuggling illicit jars of El Mordjene into France becomes an act of emblematic resistance against the ‘unjust’ and ‘unholy’ white men’s laws which, as usual, do not apply equally to those non-whites who now live ungratefully amongst them, and who have their own alternative laws they can follow instead, dietary or otherwise—a kind of hazelnut halal.
Uncommon market
Some dhimmified Western outlets agreed. For no less an authority than International Supermarket News, the ban was racist neo-colonialism in action, the publication quoting an Algerian café owner in Marseille as complaining “It’s not about food safety. It’s about control” of inferior subject populations. The affair also supposedly demonstrated wild imbalances in the Western-created global economic framework:
Consider also how El Mordjene had made it onto French shelves in the first place: as part of something called le retour au bled, or ‘the return to the homeland’, when French-Algerians fly to what they clearly consider to be their true home in North Africa for the summer. Subsequently returning back to ‘unbeliever-land,’ they often bring along domestic foods as a souvenir ‘taste of home’—including El Mordjene, which thereby became so popular that Muslim small shopkeepers in France began importing it themselves of their own illegal initiative.
Journalist Lauren Collins in The New Yorker got an entire 6.500-word article out of all this, bemoaning how the furore “hinted at the colonial legacy of immigration headaches and administrative asymmetries between the two countries,” quoting one Franco-Muslim food writer’s view that the ban “touches on belonging … on the right to exist in public spaces as we are, with our tastes, our origins, our attachments.” Banning El Mordjene, then, was just like banning the burka, prayers in the streets, or child marriage: yet more racist white neo-colonialism. Collins noted darkly that Jean-Marie Le Pen had once been a paratrooper in colonial-era Algeria: a Far-Right pied-noir-sympathiser like him would surely have been on the side of the Nutella Nazis! For Collins,
For ‘Nutella’ there, read ‘whiteness’—and for ‘El Mordjene’, read Islam.
Many on today’s globalist, multiculturalist Left in Europe feel the clash of civilisations is a mere myth, that all peoples are infinitely and frictionlessly interchangeable if they only try. To which I would only observe: if immigrants and natives in France can’t even avoid coming to severe civilisational blows over a matter as incredibly trivial as imported Nutella substitutes, what hope do they have of doing so with rather more weighty issues like freedom of speech, neo-blasphemy laws, and women’s rights?
It’s time to squeeze this particular civilisational genie back very tightly inside its jar and start sealing Europe’s borders to far more than simple hazelnut spreads.
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